Respectful Behavior Can Bounce Back

The airmen looked at me and cursed. He refused to walk in cadence. There was no sign of respect. Other than seeing him during the all-night military work detail, I did not know him. It was the first time I interacted with him. There was no respectful behavior coming from him. I stayed calm but was annoyed.

I was in basic military training. As the element leader assigned the night duty, I had to return our small group by military formation. We worked all night, and my job was to get the other team members back to our barracks.

I intended to show others on base that even though we had worked all night, we were still disciplined and upbeat. Fatigue from not sleeping would not stop us from showing others our endurance and pride as a unit. When one team member refused to support the team, my goal was at risk. Disrespect within our basic training flight (group) was an extremely rare situation, which is why I remember it.   

Have you ever been around people that did not show any respectful behavior? I have yet to find someone who has not encountered a disrespectful person. Respect for others is a life skill we can teach by demonstrating. Leadership and team environments are great examples of where respectful behavior can enhance outcomes.

When you show respect, it is often sent back to you in the form of respect. It is like a bouncing ball. The respect out and respect back perspective certainly is not always the outcome - the uncooperative airman did not change his behavior on the way back to the barracks. But in most situations, when I am respectful, the person I am working with is respectful.

I have always tried to learn from leaders that demonstrate respect. They always seem able to get results from those they lead. The people that work for them may not always agree, but there is mutual respect.

Every leader adopts leadership styles. Their leadership style will include how they interact with others. Highly effective leaders know how to get results through people without manipulation. Genuine respect is not manipulation.

When I first became a teacher, I knew I had to be a classroom teacher and leader. To do this, I had to build relationships with the students. I was not trying to be popular. However, being unpopular can interfere with getting positive student academic achievement. My goal was to be respected, and I tried to be respectful, knowing the students would mostly be respectful back. I wanted to get results-student learning.

Later as a principal, I met with an unbelievable amount of students complaining that their teacher was disrespectful. Most complaints were not proven to be true after investigation. Unfortunately, some teachers could have been more effective when building relationships. Students did not perceive them as respectful. The bounce back from perceived disrespect was disrespect.

What does being respectful look like? Here are a few examples:

• Communicating expectations

• Willingness to listen

• Sharing negative feedback in private

• Sharing negative feedback in a respectful way

• Demonstrating simple courtesy

• Staying calm and not meeting disrespect with disrespect

• Taking time to help a young person change behavior rather than immediately administering punitive actions

I have worked with many leaders in my career. The best leaders did many of the same things the highly effective classroom teachers did. They were respectful to the people they supervised. They also encouraged respectful behavior within the team.

I thoroughly enjoyed working with teams where there were mutually respectful relationships. Respect could be as simple as listening to each other and considering other people’s perspectives.

My story about the military march makes me consider how my drill sergeant demanded teamwork and respect. He was a leader.

If respect is like a bouncing ball, why did my drill sergeant never return respectful comments when I demonstrated respectful behavior?

Drill sergeants want to decrease individualism and make everyone aware that military missions must include team efforts. Individual efforts do not facilitate successful missions.

The drill sergeant was constantly in my face and not respectful. He called me names and informed me that I was not very smart - just another day at work in basic military training. However, I did observe drill sergeants demonstrating respect.

When my drill sergeant worked with other drill sergeants, he was cooperative and respectful. The drill sergeants were working as a team. The lead drill sergeant was courteous and supportive of his team members. They were demonstrating to recruits how respectful behavior can get results.

By the end of the training, we were a team of well-trained military members. When we had to complete a mission, there was respect. I remember people taking action to help the team - even if it was hard work. Team members supported teammates by listening, encouraging, and following through on their assignments. We were bouncing respect back and forth.

I only recommend drill sergeant-to-recruit communication techniques during basic training. Respect can enhance leadership and team relationships, but respect toward others should be normal behavior. It takes little effort to be respectful. The next time you are respectful, observe the response. It will likely bouse back as respect.

Martial Arts Perspective

At Delaware Hapkido Martial Arts Academy, we believe that it is critical to teach respectful behavior. We know that respectful behavior works in our environment and outside of the training facility. We give students real-world experiences in teamwork and leadership. Their experiences provide a foundation of learning that they can use throughout life.

Questions

Think of a leader that constantly demonstrates respectful behavior. How would you justify that they are strong leaders?

Why is it better that team members treat each other with respect? What does that respect look like?

How would you evaluate your respectful behavior with others in various roles, e.g., work, school, clubs, teams, home, or other places?

What facts can you compile that prove respectful behavior is not a weak way of dealing with people?

When someone is not respectful to you, why is it better to be respectful, stand tall (the opposite of looking weak), stay strong, and control yourself?

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