Don't Lower Expectations When Youth Behavior Disappoints
How can you help a young person who puts forth no effort? Some young people might even share, "I don't care?"
As a school administrator and teacher, I observed students who did no schoolwork. Even when educators tried to change the behavior, some students delivered no academic effort. Unfortunately, most educators and sometimes mentors face this challenge.
Additional frustration comes when students show no regret when they receive their failing grades. Even if the lack of care is fake, I have yet to find an educator that likes the behavior.
As educators and mentors, we are responsible for trying to find solutions. We must focus on the individual and not group the students. Every student is different. Each has unique reasons for choosing not to try, so solutions will not be the same.
Successful educators that help apathetic students always maintain their expectations. Highly effective teachers communicate high expectations and hold students accountable. They focus on the individual and take actions to help change behavior.
We must continually communicate that lack of performance and effort are unacceptable. In society, principles of effort link to success. Successful people demonstrate an effort to get results. Opportunities appear to be infinite to those that work hard toward goals. Low expectations or not holding youths accountable will lead to failure and poor outcomes.
Where are there examples of how lowering expectations would be disastrous? Consider the outcome of lower learning expectations for medical doctors, pilots, or teachers.
Lowering expectations is not an option when you are mentoring or teaching. We need young people to understand the value of action and effort. They also must learn that there are consequences for not meeting expectations, e.g., failing grades, unsatisfactory learning, and lack of future opportunities.
When we encounter a young person who needs help understanding the principles associated with hard work, we should consider the problem complex. There is probably more than one cause for poor effort.
A single English ivy vine begins to creep up the side of a tree. Nothing stops it. No one notices and clips it away. No action will cause a significant problem for the tree.
The one crawling vine soon becomes several. It sends out shoots, all joining in the climb. With nothing stopping the ascending, the vine will smother the tree.
There are likely numerous problems contributing to a youth that does not try. The problems may be smothering like the English ivy.
We, as mentors, must be alert problem solvers. Continue to have high expectations but be aware that changing behavior may take time and require multiple actions to solve multiple problems. Cut the problems one at a time as if cutting each vine creeping up a tree.
While teaching a class, I asked a group of students what they thought might be the cause of someone not caring about their academic performance. The answers varied, and I can say that each answer could be correct:
no parent support and low parent expectations
responsibilities outside of the school
poor self-esteem
boredom
poor peer influence
lack of goal-setting
no planning skills
poor study skills
lack of self-discipline
Any of these answers could be correct. However, it is most likely that more than one of the problems contributes to the behavior. Fixing one does not mean that student academic achievement will improve. If we only cut one of five vines at the base of a tree, the outcome for the tree will be the same.
Just because the problem is complicated does not mean we should not try to change poor behavior. Problem-solving can be challenging. It may take time, evidence collection, great listening skills, and action to help a young person change their behavior. It is worth trying.
When we set high expectations, we are teaching an important principle. Young people need to see this type of life skill in action. When mentees or students meet expectations, good things happen. Focus on the individual and be aware that multiple problems might contribute to someone failing to meet expectations. Be resilient, keep your expectations high, and help young people prepare for the future.
Questions:
Why are expectations important?
Can you assess the value of a medical school setting high academic and learning expectations?
What will happen if a medical school lowers learning and academic expectations?
Think of a time that you met someone's expectations. What was the result of your efforts?
If you are not meeting someone's expectations, what is contributing to the situation?
What are the logical outcomes of not meeting your teacher's classroom behavior and learning expectations?
Martial Arts Perspective:
At Delaware Hapkido, we start each lesson by verbalizing our expectations:
be respectful
be responsible
be safe
We have found that having high expectations benefits our students. Expectations facilitate a fun learning environment where each student contributes and grows personally.
